So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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