Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
