Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
