i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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