Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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