one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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