sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
