Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
