She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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