Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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