i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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