Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
sex in a hospital.. check
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
