how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
