dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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