So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
