either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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