At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
