haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
