never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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