After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Less talking, more tequila
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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