good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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