I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
why is half of my head shaved?
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