He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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