so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All the doctor said was why
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
