I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
