Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
