Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
