I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
