I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
