Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
