Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she woke up with a sticky ear
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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