im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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