Who wears a wallet chain?!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just invented taco cereal.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
