just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I touched a dick in church today
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
