If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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