I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
