Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
