Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
