A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
