he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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