When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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