call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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