I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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