Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
