I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Green mimosas i think yes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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