Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
