I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They took my balls.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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