Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
