Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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