who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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