Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
