I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
