Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
