My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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