It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
