You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
