After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
