OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
