That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
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it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Shame - the story of my life.
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