I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
