maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
