No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
