I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize