I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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