my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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