Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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