how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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