I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
