I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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