Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
