Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
