Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
