the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
