he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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