Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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