I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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